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Flaccid Member
I've seen this on another forum I belong to. So in no way am I taking credit for the original idea, but I do think it's a fun little topic over there. So I figured it would be a fun little topic over here as well. I guess I'll start. The quote is about this link, http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/pictu...e-in-true-love.Originally Posted by ComaAlpha
Throbbing Member
I was yelling at someone in traffic, saw they had a handicapped plate on their car and thought "oh, she must be retarded, its okay" and immediately followed it up with "im gonna burn in hell"
Throbbing Member
I found myself saying, of handicapped drivers, "Why do so many gimps drive so slow? You're already fucked up, might as well gun it." I was talking to myself, of course, because that's not shit you should ever say out loud.
Active Member
Yeah, you're both going to hell, its called developmental disabled now.
Flaccid Member
Two of my friends that are of the female gender where texting back and forth a bunch of stupid things like, "You're the peanut-butter to my jelly." "You're the nut to my bolt." "I can't remember past here, you get the point. While the one next to me was trying to think up another to add to the list, I leaned over to her ear and murmured
The Enhancer
^^ Coworker answered the phone when his girlfriend called with "Bob's Abortions, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em!"
FATUM NOS IUNGET
Went out last night with the wife and a bunch of people, all over the city...tried to convince a friend that ALWAYS FUCKING BAILS OUT of everything (including my birthday last week) to sit at home and play fucking xbox. He's 28. He still lives with his parents. He doesn't have a job. Wasn't really mean per se, but it was in front of a lot of people and after I said it, there was a long....long, awkward silence before everyone busted out laughing.
Him: Yeah. So you said something about tonight?
Me: Oh yeah, we're meeting up at like 8pm, you down?
Him: I don't knowwwww...I'm tired. Just got the new Splinter Cell. Don't really have a lot of money.
Me: I hear ya...if only there was something you could go do for like, 8 hour blocks of time, and be compensated for your time and your efforts.
silence...................
Active Member
There's this one customer at work who is kinda shitty. I was commenting to a coworker how I thought she was a jerk/I don't like her and my one of my coworker's offered responses was "Maybe she's racist." (added context: Coworker and customer are black. I'm white.) I started to respond with some sort of comment that said that was fine and she could be and like acknowledged my privilege and then I realized how not okay that was and stopped myself. I definitely don't believe "Oh people can be racist to me because at the end of the day I'm still white lol." I mean, I don't care about being on the receiving end of "racism" but it's not like that.
Also, I understand the argument that non-white people can't be racist. I absolutely believe that it's not the same as racism from a white person, but I just mean like race-influenced behavior towards another.
ladyborg
i have a friend who's also american and moved to the UK. she's been here for almost a year and i've been here for 4 years. whenever we hang out i get frustrated with her for saying really naive/stupid things even though i'm sure i said and was naive about a lot of things when i first got here as well. i have to keep reminding myself not to be so hard on her but at the same time she's naturally a bit more pretentious and close-minded than i am and a lot of the time i don't feel like she's actually trying very hard to acclimate. sometimes i want to shout at her SHUT UP YOU STUPID AMERICAN.
Throbbing Member
When someone talks to me with a speech impediment i instantly lose intellectual respect for them.
Kicker: i stutter.
Active Member
I live the life of a big mouthed dick, (since dicks also fuck assholes) so i wouldn't know where to begin. Probably the thing i feel the most shame for was calling my mom a whore. Gotta love puberty meets menopause fights, not at all really. After that i have felt little guilt about letting someone have it. As when i pop off it tends to be due to someone pushing well beyond limits i took pains to establish beforehand. I have also at times tried to be sarcastic in response at times but my sardonic wit tends to land a bit too heavy at times and comes off much more angry than i had intended, other times it just feels so right.
Stubby Member
"No, this is MY seat, grandma!"
things like that.
Moderator
On second thought... Not sharing that. It involved an ex-coworker, so I'll be good here.
Last edited by Clownboat; 08-27-2013 at 03:24 PM.
Bite me
lol lol quote of the day!!!!!
Throbbing Member
at Mayhemfest 2 years ago, some dude cut me off on my way out, and i shouted at him "youre welcome!" very sarcastically and he reached over and hit my door with his cane, and because he had a beard, i yelled back "Go home, old man river, youre missing Golden Girls." his daughter had to convince him to not get out and fight me, because i had already exited the van, and was inviting the geezer to throw the first punch.
yes. i am THAT guy.
Bent Member
I've had a Facebook conversation going with my old workmates for about 8 months now, pretty much everything in there makes me realise I'm a terrible person.
The title of the conversation is: "What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion."
Throbbing Member
I use to be jokingly sarcastic / mean all the freaking time. Sometimes I would go to far, sometimes someone didn't realize I was trying to be funny. Then, one day, I was on vacation with my wife and this woman was taking care of two younger kids. They were sons of her husband to be (they were getting married the next day). They would constantly call her by her name, Meghan (spelling could be wrong, I don't know), and showing her what they could do. She made a few jokes about not caring about them, about strangers taking them.... stuff like that. I can't really remember. What I do remember was me (again, trying to be funny) saying "And that's why they call you Meghan instead of mommy."
The look on my wife's face was the most shocked I had ever seen her. I reflected later on why that could be so terrible to say (I really had no idea at the time) and since then have made a very conscious effort to not be sarcastic / mean. It's took a long time to really break the habit. That was 5 years ago (?) and most of my friends still look at me as if I'm going to say something when someone else leaves themselves open for it.
I'll never get a chance to let you know it, but thank you, Meghan, for making me a better person.
Re Member
i swear at my kids = bad person.
the fact that it prevents me from knocking them out = violent person = bad person.
Active Member
A friend of mine is an elementary school teacher and while she is a lovely person "hit 'em under the armpit, that's where the bruises won't be too obvious!" is what she said about loud kids in class. I laughed way too hard and too long...
Active Member
Punching them in the belly works too.A friend of mine is an elementary school teacher and while she is a lovely person "hit 'em under the armpit, that's where the bruises won't be too obvious!" is what she said about loud kids in class. I laughed way too hard and too long...
Flaccid Member
If you want to be sneaky about it, 'accidently' drop heavy dictionaries on their feet. Or you can go the straight forward aproach and just smack their knuckles with rulers like you're a nun.
God I'm glad I didn't go to catholic school.
The Enhancer
I don't think it makes me a bad person, but I and my coworkers are hilariously childish at times, giggling about things we say like "Get outta the truck, trickle-shit" or when leaving work "See you buttfuckers later!". We come up with characters that we do, and one night we were "questing" for an entire shift, talking like knights in some medieval fantasy. The ENTIRE shift! It keeps us sane to go a bit crazy, working at night as we do.
Active Member
This is (a reason) why I love you.
The Enhancer
<3 <3 <3 <4
Also, I think that shift was when we started talking about hot gin. "You there, barkeep! I demand a pint of piping hot gin!"
Another shift we came up with "Mr. Darkside", an 18th century pirate fiend (captain of the Dutch Star, sailing out of Blackgate) who speaks in a raspy growl:
Coworker: "Your daughter is a WOMAN now."
Me: "Your father is a WOMAN now."
Coworker: "BRING ME YOUR FRESHEST BOY!"
Shit gets weird after midnight... Mr. Darkside gave us both throat pain doing the voice.
Last edited by Fixer808; 09-10-2013 at 07:58 AM. Reason: Hot gin for Mr. Darkside
FATUM NOS IUNGET
To a guy I used to work with that still lives with his parents and does nothing but play video games 24/7.
"Haha you live with your parents."
Sometimes the simplest comments make me feel the most like an ass sometimes lol.
I was nobody. Nothing.
i hate it when i catch myself saying fucking goddamn. i am a fucking goddamn Christian, for Christ's sake.
I hope He understands its just the way i talk!
Active Member
If language damned people to hell we'd all be fucked.
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