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Thread: Work

  1. #331
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    I wish I could get fired so I could collect unemployment. I hate pretending to be happy and have a smile on my face, when all I really want is to not make any eye contact with any human, ever. When it walks through the door, I try to be extra cold as to have the most minimal interaction possible, counting down the minutes until it goes away. I have mild panic attacks leading up to my commute. When I walk in, everyone can tell I'm in a bad mood. And then I feel judged for not being 'Happy' because I'm not drinking the kool-aid like everyone else. I need this job to pay my bills, but it's taking a severe toll on my psyche. I have been thinking a lot about suicide/death again, even though I know better. Not trying to get attention here, just telling the truth. I should probably start journaling again. For 7 years, this job has destroyed everything decent in me, and I'm the only one to blame for fear of (god forbid) not trying to find something better. When in reality, anything would be better! I just don't like putting myself out there or trying new experiences in that way anymore. I fear being judged or being the low person on the totem pole. I'm in a managerial position now, and all of my experience is in this one area. But I never want a job like this again! Finding another career path with no experience in said area presents a challenge. I wouldn't even mind doing a couple PT gigs, i keep weird hours and I'm deeply introverted, but with that comes no benefits usually. Sigh...sorry for the ramblings. I have no other outlet.

  2. #332
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    Everyone's sick of the department I work in. Everyone's going to another. There is an opportunity to get $3 more on the hour to go third shift again. I'm thinking of taking it. I did it for 5 years, when the kids were young and one was going to an advanced school far away from where I live. I really am thinking about doing it. It's kind of a step down, as it is just pure brute labor with less thought involved, being just stocking while the store is closed. It's easier, it's away from customers from 1-5, and I already have problems staying asleep at night. (I've been on morning for two years, and have not adjusted.) I'm not quite ready yet, though. It is more physical and I'm not 100% healed. I think the person who notified me of this opportunity did so because that's something a lot of people would like. Not everyone, but a lot. I'm not exactly a popular person, and that's just the way it is. The whole having to pretend to be fucking happy at all times doesn't always work for me. And as I get older, my opinions get more bluntly expressed. I don't go to work to make friends, though. I go because I need a place to live.

  3. #333
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    I feel like I'm able to breathe at my job, my horrible and obnoxious boss just got fired on Monday for showing up to work so DRUNK she passed out in her car and had to have three managers drive her back home.

    I've only been here 90 days, but I was just counting down the days until she self-imploded. Ever meet someone who was so far up their own ass they couldn't smell their own shit ... would throw you under the bus to save their own skin ... used every excuse in the book to get out of work related events because of their child (a 15 year old son mind you) ... and clearly so riddled with personal demons of pills and alcohol they are stumbling over themselves and yelling at you during work gatherings? Yeah, this lady was the boss from hell ... and it's amazing what a little patience and luck can do.

    Quote Originally Posted by pretty.hate.machine View Post
    I wish I could get fired so I could collect unemployment. I hate pretending to be happy and have a smile on my face, when all I really want is to not make any eye contact with any human, ever. When it walks through the door, I try to be extra cold as to have the most minimal interaction possible, counting down the minutes until it goes away. I have mild panic attacks leading up to my commute. When I walk in, everyone can tell I'm in a bad mood. And then I feel judged for not being 'Happy' because I'm not drinking the kool-aid like everyone else. I need this job to pay my bills, but it's taking a severe toll on my psyche. I have been thinking a lot about suicide/death again, even though I know better. Not trying to get attention here, just telling the truth. I should probably start journaling again. For 7 years, this job has destroyed everything decent in me, and I'm the only one to blame for fear of (god forbid) not trying to find something better. When in reality, anything would be better! I just don't like putting myself out there or trying new experiences in that way anymore. I fear being judged or being the low person on the totem pole. I'm in a managerial position now, and all of my experience is in this one area. But I never want a job like this again! Finding another career path with no experience in said area presents a challenge. I wouldn't even mind doing a couple PT gigs, i keep weird hours and I'm deeply introverted, but with that comes no benefits usually. Sigh...sorry for the ramblings. I have no other outlet.
    What field do you work in? Do everything you can to find another job ... my first out of college job in 2013 used to beat on my psyche so bad that I used to tell people that driving my car into a wall wouldn't have been so bad, as I might end up in the hospital instead of being in the office. I had a terrible manager who didn't know what he wanted marketing wise ... and then would get on my case when nothing was done or get flustered at my questions. I was only there for five months ... but it felt like forever. I ended up getting a job I was at for three years shortly after that because I was applying like crazy.

    No job is worth your sanity or health ... concentrate on you and find something new.
    Last edited by thefragile_jake; 08-03-2017 at 04:18 PM.

  4. #334
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    42 days until I quit my shitty ass job and go to America for 5 weeks... YUSSSS.

  5. #335
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    Quote Originally Posted by thefragile_jake View Post
    I feel like I'm able to breathe at my job, my horrible and obnoxious boss just got fired on Monday for showing up to work so DRUNK she passed out in her car and had to have three managers drive her back home.

    I've only been here 90 days, but I was just counting down the days until she self-imploded. Ever meet someone who was so far up their own ass they couldn't smell their own shit ... would throw you under the bus to save their own skin ... used every excuse in the book to get out of work related events because of their child (a 15 year old son mind you) ... and clearly so riddled with personal demons of pills and alcohol they are stumbling over themselves and yelling at you during work gatherings? Yeah, this lady was the boss from hell ... and it's amazing what a little patience and luck can do.



    What field do you work in? Do everything you can to find another job ... my first out of college job in 2013 used to beat on my psyche so bad that I used to tell people that driving my car into a wall wouldn't have been so bad, as I might end up in the hospital instead of being in the office. I had a terrible manager who didn't know what he wanted marketing wise ... and then would get on my case when nothing was done or get flustered at my questions. I was only there for five months ... but it felt like forever. I ended up getting a job I was at for three years shortly after that because I was applying like crazy.

    No job is worth your sanity or health ... concentrate on you and find something new.
    Sounds like the headcase got what she deserved. Even though it was at times a hellish circumstance, I am sure watching the unraveling was somewhat chuckleworthy. And yes, I know exactly what it's like to have a boss like that. Anyway, thank you for your kind words and I'm glad your situation is looking up.

    As for me, I'm just feel stuck in a hole. I'm one of those late blossoming adults and I spent my 20s partying, being a DJ, in and out of college, moving all over, experimenting with various relationships; you know, just living life. I work retail and I am an assistant manager at a cosmetics store. I stuck around because I kept getting promoted and I wasn't entirely sure what type of degree I wanted to invest in. I should have been a lot more forward-thinking and proactive, but I wasn't. But 7 years in retail, working with nothing but catty women 100% of the time, and equally shitty/dense customers is a soul sucking hell. I come home crying most nights because I hate the person who I've become. I am incredibly depressed and more negative than I've ever been, sometimes I feel like I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I have a prescription for an antidepressant medication that I need to get filled, but I am afraid to get back on that if I'm going to try to quit this job soon and be stuck with no health insurance... you can't just quit taking antidepressants abruptly. The worst part is I have to pretend to be someone I'm not, 'happy' to set the example since I'm a manager, when in reality I'd rather throw myself off a bridge. With all that I've said, it should be easy to walk away, but I make more than what some people with bachelors degrees make. I have full benefits, great PTO. The thing is, I never want a customer service job again, and there are not a lot of jobs out there for introverts who don't have a degree. So back to college really seems like the only option. Another issue is my widowed mom is financially unstable, so for the past year I've had to give her $400ish a month to help her out. So even if I wanted to go back to school full-time, I fear that my mom would end up homeless because she is super low income and disabled. We have exasperated every resource that could help her and they're just seems to be nothing out there for assistance, all of the low income housing waitlists are either full or closed in the city that I live in. Anyway, I might have to help her move back home where it's much cheaper to live, so at that point and gives me the perfect out and I can start trying to get something else going because you're right, nothing this agonizing is worth my sanity or health.

  6. #336
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    Quote Originally Posted by pretty.hate.machine View Post
    Sounds like the headcase got what she deserved. Even though it was at times a hellish circumstance, I am sure watching the unraveling was somewhat chuckleworthy. And yes, I know exactly what it's like to have a boss like that. Anyway, thank you for your kind words and I'm glad your situation is looking up.

    As for me, I'm just feel stuck in a hole. I'm one of those late blossoming adults and I spent my 20s partying, being a DJ, in and out of college, moving all over, experimenting with various relationships; you know, just living life. I work retail and I am an assistant manager at a cosmetics store. I stuck around because I kept getting promoted and I wasn't entirely sure what type of degree I wanted to invest in. I should have been a lot more forward-thinking and proactive, but I wasn't. But 7 years in retail, working with nothing but catty women 100% of the time, and equally shitty/dense customers is a soul sucking hell. I come home crying most nights because I hate the person who I've become. I am incredibly depressed and more negative than I've ever been, sometimes I feel like I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I have a prescription for an antidepressant medication that I need to get filled, but I am afraid to get back on that if I'm going to try to quit this job soon and be stuck with no health insurance... you can't just quit taking antidepressants abruptly. The worst part is I have to pretend to be someone I'm not, 'happy' to set the example since I'm a manager, when in reality I'd rather throw myself off a bridge. With all that I've said, it should be easy to walk away, but I make more than what some people with bachelors degrees make. I have full benefits, great PTO. The thing is, I never want a customer service job again, and there are not a lot of jobs out there for introverts who don't have a degree. So back to college really seems like the only option. Another issue is my widowed mom is financially unstable, so for the past year I've had to give her $400ish a month to help her out. So even if I wanted to go back to school full-time, I fear that my mom would end up homeless because she is super low income and disabled. We have exasperated every resource that could help her and they're just seems to be nothing out there for assistance, all of the low income housing waitlists are either full or closed in the city that I live in. Anyway, I might have to help her move back home where it's much cheaper to live, so at that point and gives me the perfect out and I can start trying to get something else going because you're right, nothing this agonizing is worth my sanity or health.
    Honestly moving back home for a year and half after getting an apartment with a toxic ex and saving money was the best thing I ever did for my health and finances. It lead to me buying my own house.

    Again, never sacrifice your own happiness!

  7. #337
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    Quote Originally Posted by pretty.hate.machine View Post
    I work retail and I am an assistant manager at a cosmetics store. I stuck around because I kept getting promoted and I wasn't entirely sure what type of degree I wanted to invest in. I should have been a lot more forward-thinking and proactive, but I wasn't. But 7 years in retail, working with nothing but catty women 100% of the time, and equally shitty/dense customers is a soul sucking hell.
    I used to work in retail, high end shoe store for women. As a full service store, among other things, we had to put shoes on people. It felt really terrible to me then. My daughter now works retail while in school. She finds some outlet in the subreddit - tales from retail. Have you thought about a trade school? Many are highly in demand now and pay very well.

  8. #338
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    Quote Originally Posted by sinspots View Post
    I used to work in retail, high end shoe store for women. As a full service store, among other things, we had to put shoes on people. It felt really terrible to me then. My daughter now works retail while in school. She finds some outlet in the subreddit - tales from retail. Have you thought about a trade school? Many are highly in demand now and pay very well.
    I have read similar sites of people detailing the perils of their shitty customer service jobs, or people anonymously telling strangers about the horrors of their day to day lives - after hearing some of those things I don't feel so bad. But in the end I don't deserve to have a job that strips away my self worth or makes me feel like crashing my car into a viaduct would be a better solution. Ive thought about a trade school- a couple things are appealing but don't seem to pay that great.

  9. #339
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    Last week I FINALLY started a part time position after being unemployed since March. I'm sure that being unemployed anywhere for 5 months is a bitch, but being unemployed in NYC for that long is fucking horrible.

    I started a position at my university that is half doing admin work for the student services department, and also working with students who have disabilities - helping them read, write, plan out schedules, conduct research, etc.

    But classes start back up in a couple of weeks so I need to find another part time position immediately! This is my last semester of a full time credit load, so it will become more difficult once classes start back up. But considering how long it took me to land this one position, I am very nervous, and beyond broke.

  10. #340
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    Well today's started well. Walked in to be told via email that our PA, and the only person in the office who still speaks to me after all my bullshit with depression, is leaving...TODAY. No warning, just she's gone.

    I'm now literally on my own (we recently have an office move around so i'm on a bank of desks with 2 other people, one of which is always on site because he doesn't like how quiet i am and the other is my boss, who is moving to a new position upstairs and only in 2 days week until October) and i'll probably have to cover her work as we shared it, so i'm feeling greeeeeat...

  11. #341
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    Today reminded me that stepping down from management in that place was a good idea. If I'm going to give my heart to a place, it's going to be one that is worth it. I'm glad to remain an associate. It's not always fun, and it is only a pay-the-bills kind of job, without much meaning to it, but when I go home at the end of my shift, I leave it all behind.

  12. #342
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    Update to my situation: I finally found a new job! Much like Sarah's, it is only a part time position but it's at a pretty cool spot so I'm not complaining. Plus, there's always the possibility of picking up someone's else shift so I can definitely get extra hours.

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