The little things that piss you off

[allegro]

I love these people to death, and it's like, yeah, I respect their wishes, but a funeral isn't exactly for YOU. It's for everyone ELSE.

With all due respect, many survivors don't want funerals because it does us no good, either. Many of us view them as archaic and painful and expensive and we hate them.

There was no funeral for my Dad, Stepmom, Stepdad, G's Stepmom, there will be no funeral for my Mom, me, my husband, etc.

Here's something interesting: After my brother died, only ONE person sent me a condolence card. After my Dad died, NOBODY sent me a condolence card. In the old days, everybody sent condolence cards. This "paying respects" stuff used to be a wake that lasted 3 full days; around here, anyway, it's now one afternoon, and a service that lasts an hour. Nobody can AFFORD a funeral. It all costs a LOT of money. A LOT.

Send a card, maybe send a note that you've made a donation in the person's honor, maybe have some food delivered to their house, make plans to get together in the future.

[elevenism]

With all due respect, many survivors don't want funerals because it does us no good, either. Many of us view them as archaic and painful and expensive and we hate them.

There was no funeral for my Dad, Stepmom, Stepdad, G's Stepmom, there will be no funeral for my Mom, me, my husband, etc.

Here's something interesting: After my brother died, only ONE person sent me a condolence card. After my Dad died, NOBODY sent me a condolence card. In the old days, everybody sent condolence cards. This "paying respects" stuff used to be a wake that lasted 3 full days; around here, anyway, it's now one afternoon, and a service that lasts an hour. Nobody can AFFORD a funeral. It all costs a LOT of money. A LOT.

Send a card, maybe send a note that you've made a donation in the person's honor, maybe have some food delivered to their house, make plans to get together in the future.

I guess that's understandable.

Since I've brought this up, my wife has told me SHE doesn't want a funeral.

With my recently departed friend, we're going to get together sometime around her birthday, at the end of August, for a "celebration of her life."

It's just...how does one behave at such a function? I know how to act at a funeral.

[allegro]

It's just...how does one behave at such a function? I know how to act at a funeral.

It’s just how it’s described; a lot less focus on sadness and grief, which is especially hard for the spouse, children and parents, and a lot more focus on the celebration of her life she had while she was here, and what she brought to each person’s life.

You typically eat and drink and socialize and tell warm and funny stories about the person. It’s not a time of sorrow, or about you. It’s about them; it’s sometimes a good occasion to check in on the family, too, to see if there’s anything you can do, but it’s also a good time to reinforce the positive attributes of your departed friend, and what that friend brought to this plane of existence.

Jewish Shivas are very much like this. There’s no sorrowful mourning stuff; just food and booze for 3-7 days and a focus on the person’s life, not death.

Think Irish Wake.

[shade]

I had this whole discussion with a friend recently, who, while being perfectly healthy and in her 30s, started to look into her own funeral and asked a gazillion questions - just to "take care" of things and be prepared.
I don't think that's a bad choice to make. Why not think about all this while you still can? Then you can decide what YOU want and what family might want, if there is any. If it gives them any closure, maybe arrange something for their sakes. If it's just painful or you do not want it at any cost, explain why and they will hopefully understand.
I feel like it's best to take care of these things while still around, get the financial stuff settled, make your wishes known.. I shudder at the thought of someone trying to plan my funeral.

While a lot of people are aghast and think it's morbid or something, I think it's wise.

[allegro]

While a lot of people are aghast and think it's morbid or something, I think it's wise.

This is actually done a LOT more than people realize here in the U.S. My in laws purchased their mausoleum spots way in advance of their deaths. They also had enough life insurance to cover the cost of arrangements.

My Mom has a membership with a local cremation society so she gets a big discount when the time comes; she can also prepay for her cremation, now, in today’s dollars, and lock in today’s cost of cremation, which she’ll likely do.

I worked at a funeral home for about 6 months, and a woman worked there who worked with people - especially the elderly - who preplanned their arrangements.

There are cons, of course. Prepaying and then that company goes under by the time you die. Also, people should not put arrangement wishes in their Wills; your Will is often located and read WAY after arrangements are carried out.

[Erneuert]

When you’re so tired that you can barely keep your eyes open. Then you get in bed and can’t stop posting stuff/reading stuff on your phone despite knowing full well that you need to be up early.

[shade]

When you’re so tired that you can barely keep your eyes open. Then you get in bed and can’t stop posting stuff/reading stuff on your phone despite knowing full well that you need to be up early.

Sounds like every other weekday night lately.
Anyone else here starts to feel down when really tired? Depressed would be too strong of a word, real depression is something else. More like sad and really miserable? I get that from lack of sleep. Then I'm really looking forward to curling up in bed for an entire day.

[Erneuert]

Sounds like every other weekday night lately.
Anyone else here starts to feel down when really tired? Depressed would be too strong of a word, real depression is something else. More like sad and really miserable? I get that from lack of sleep. Then I'm really looking forward to curling up in bed for an entire day.

Every day of my life. “Pillows like pillars” to quote Morrissey from Spent The Day In Bed.

[Jinsai]

What is going on with this piling on Billie Eilish right now? Now people are mad at her because she sang along to a dumb song lyric when she was 13? This is really weird. Is there some reason everyone pissed off didn't get upset when the initial artist wrote the song? I actually dislike her music and feel her success is owed mostly to nepotism, but this is absurd.

Does anyone want to say you should have to apologize if you sang along to The Chronic in 1992? Or what if some video surfaced of you laughing to the Zappa song “Bobby Brown Goes Down” fifty years ago.

Next thing you know, everyone is going to be outraged because a video surfaced of her reading a passage from Huckleberry Finn for a grade school book report.

[Magnetic]

What is going on with this piling on Billie Eilish right now? Now people are mad at her because she sang along to a dumb song lyric when she was 13? This is really weird. Is there some reason everyone pissed off didn't get upset when the initial artist wrote the song? I actually dislike her music and feel her success is owed mostly to nepotism, but this is absurd.

Does anyone want to say you should have to apologize if you sang along to The Chronic in 1992? Or what if some video surfaced of you laughing to the Zappa song “Bobby Brown Goes Down” fifty years ago.

Next thing you know, everyone is going to be outraged because a video surfaced of her reading a passage from Huckleberry Finn for a grade school book report.

I'm glad I didn't grow up where all my teenage infractions were documented on social media.
That said.... I also was raised to just not use certain words, and despite my rebellious upbringing, I abided by some universal rules. Even when singing along to rap in the early 90s, I never used the N word - I would just omit it. I also wouldn't say derogatory slurs used about women. It wasn't judgment, it was just something I was taught you just don't do. My course language really picked up in the late 90s/ early 00's, but I still have never used the N word.

All this aside, at the age of 13 it says less about the person, and more about the people influencing her, whether that's her parents or friends, etc.

[Jinsai]

and really... if we are going to adress a pejorative that we all casually use. Bitch. It’s at this point... more worthy

[Archive_Reports]

and really... if we are going to adress a pejorative that we all casually use. Bitch. It’s at this point... more worthy

Funny you say that because, over the last couple of years, I've been trying to make a concerted effort to remove it from my speech as an insult. I find "asshole" works just as well.

[allegro]

Construction contractors and employees.

They will invariably be totally shitty and sexist to the "woman of the house" at some point during the project; typically many times. Even the one that seems like he's not like that will surprise you and turn into a dick at some point and knock you down some pegs, no matter how nice and respectful you try to be.

Women = idiots with zero knowledge of construction and are to be seen and not heard. You are never to question anything. Even when the windows installed are totally not the right size.

Meanwhile, the "man of the house" in my household keeps coming to me, asking me wtf is going on. Because I grew up with grandparents who literally built their own houses. And I worked in new construction law for 13 years. When I met my husband, the extent of his "home knowledge" was writing a check to a repair guy.

The main worker in this project found my supply of beach towels in the dryer drawer downstairs and took a beach towel my Mom gave me and used it all day yesterday to apply acetate to his hands and materials to remove caulk. When I saw it on a pile, I thought "hey, that looks like my beach towel." Looked in dryer drawer ... it WAS my beach towel. I removed all remaining beach towels from the drawer and took them upstairs. Seriously, why can't you just ask me for some paper towels or something? There's always a list of various bullshit disasters in every reno project, and this one is no exception. But this one has a level of "stupid" in it that is unprecedented. Like a worker sweeping and running into the hanging conduit (because the walls are gone) and touching the bare wire into the conduit and shorting out the circuit and blowing out our cable box and router ... not once, but THREE TIMES. It took me over an HOUR to reset all this shit. The third time, he FRIED that outlet so bad, it made a circuit in the kitchen go haywire and another worker had to disconnect the fried outlet. Then, the dummy did it again with ANOTHER outlet. And this guy was supposedly going for a cert in ... ELECTRICAL. We are now calling all stupid things a "James." (That guy quit, btw.) Them touching a partially-stripped wire that leads to my furnace and blowing a three-amp blade fuse TWICE before finally taping it and getting it out of the way? Thereby shutting down my HVAC? A James. I figured out how to fix it by Googling the error code.

I'm trying to keep the dust down, most contractors I've used have taped plastic all over the place to be mindful of this. Not these guys. You can write your name on the stuff in my kitchen, daily, and it's migrated to all over the house. The contractor's answer is "construction is dusty." His suggestion: Hire a maid to clean it up, later.

My new strategy is to never talk to any of these guys, again. He can try getting ahold of my husband, who never answers texts or calls on his cell phone. Good luck to you. You won't get paid until the project is done.

Edit: Okay, now they're trying to be really nice to me. Shrug.

[Jinsai]

Funny you say that because, over the last couple of years, I've been trying to make a concerted effort to remove it from my speech as an insult. I find "asshole" works just as well.

It really is a word that I think in ten years or so we might be looking back at it, appalled. When you really think about it, it's used rather frequently in some pretty messed up ways, it's just so common now that we don't even consider that aspect I guess.

EDIT: And just to clarify, I do not want to give the impression that I used to run around using shitty slurs when I was younger... I guess it's more that as a young person, you don't understand the power of words, so yeah, when I first saw Eddie Murphy's Raw and Delirious, I don't remember being offended or really shocked by anything... but then you go back and watch it again, ten years later, and some of it is still hilarious, and some of it has aged very badly.

[Erneuert]

The Bureau of Statistics calling me once each month for the past five months asking the exact same questions. Apparently they “wipe the database” monthly and therefore have to keep asking me the same questions for another three months. The second last time the guy called I was in the middle of feeding our infant and she was crying like crazy, and the most recent time I was driving. I just ended up swearing my head off at the guy and said “I’ve told you the exact same information that hasn’t changed 5 months in a fucking row.” and hurled several other lines of abuse. I mean, I’ve given the info. Five goddamn times. What’s three more times going to do? And how would they like it, I asked, if I called them once a month going over the same personal employment/family history questions again and again and again and again. I asked if he wanted to know the colour of my shit. Then the prick started getting sarcastic with my partner and I so we both just let him have it while I put him on loudspeaker.

Pissed me the fuck off.

[otnavuskire]

Construction contractors and employees.

They will invariably be totally shitty and sexist to the "woman of the house" at some point during the project; typically many times. Even the one that seems like he's not like that will surprise you and turn into a dick at some point and knock you down some pegs, no matter how nice and respectful you try to be.

Sounds like car dealers too. My mom was telling me a couple days ago about going car shopping with my dad. She was talking to the dealer and he cut her off and started talking to my dad. She had to actually say, "Excuse me, I was talking." Needless to say they didn't buy a car there.

The Bureau of Statistics calling me once each month for the past five months asking the exact same questions. Apparently they “wipe the database” monthly and therefore have to keep asking me the same questions for another three months. The second last time the guy called I was in the middle of feeding our infant and she was crying like crazy, and the most recent time I was driving. I just ended up swearing my head off at the guy and said “I’ve told you the exact same information that hasn’t changed 5 months in a fucking row.” and hurled several other lines of abuse. I mean, I’ve given the info. Five goddamn times. What’s three more times going to do? And how would they like it, I asked, if I called them once a month going over the same personal employment/family history questions again and again and again and again. I asked if he wanted to know the colour of my shit. Then the prick started getting sarcastic with my partner and I so we both just let him have it while I put him on loudspeaker.

Pissed me the fuck off.

Can't you just stop answering the calls from them, or are you required to answer for some reason?

[Erneuert]

^ I’ve read conflicting reports. The initial envelope saying our household has been selected said something about how it “can be enforced,” but then when we did more online research it said it’s voluntary. They’ve tried calling three more times and I’ve ignored the calls three more times. Get a life, Jesus.

Worse than or just as bad as telemarketers.

[allegate]

Sounds like car dealers too. My mom was telling me a couple days ago about going car shopping with my dad. She was talking to the dealer and he cut her off and started talking to my dad. She had to actually say, "Excuse me, I was talking." Needless to say they didn't buy a car there.

[Erneuert]

LOL. I also like how they made the husband look like the singer from Judas Priest.

[ickyvicky]

Ugh, this happened to me when I bought my last car.

Made an appointment way in advance to see the guy, told him exactly which car I wanted, and at the appointment he gives me, "Well, I didn't know you wanted to buy a car today. I'll have to make a couple of phone calls and see what's available..."
I sternly said straight back to him, "WELL START MAKING PHONE CALLS."

It was terrible. I eventually got it in the end after spending 8 hours at the dealership.

[otnavuskire]

I eventually got it in the end after spending 8 hours at the dealership.

That's one of their strategies for wearing you down. They had that car ready for you the moment you walked in. Another thing they like to do is point at another customer on the other side of the dealership and tell you that they're looking at the same car. It's all bullshit.

[Archive_Reports]

Similar thing happened to me once. Salesman tried bullshitting me and going back and forth so I just walked out. Manager called me later asking if there was anything they could do to get my business. There was not.

[ickyvicky]

That's one of their strategies for wearing you down. They had that car ready for you the moment you walked in. Another thing they like to do is point at another customer on the other side of the dealership and tell you that they're looking at the same car. It's all bullshit.

When I drove the car out the lot, I drove straight to the liquor store.

[theruiner]

So, my roommate is out of town for a few weeks. I am here by myself. It's 12:30 in the morning and I am in the bathroom when I hear what sound like something crashed in the living room. And footsteps. And I'm like, ok, calm down, it's probably the cat. But then there was more crashing. And then the sound of footsteps going up the stairs. Human footsteps.

I run out of the bathroom and grab a knife and flip on all the lights and am getting ready for a confrontation, because at this point it's pretty clear that there is someone in my house. That's when I see it: My roommate's boyfriend decided to crash here. Without telling me. Without ASKING. He didn't even text first! He showed up at 12:30 in the morning and just let himself into someone else's house when his girlfriend isn't here. Just let himself in to MY house without asking. I am so fucking livid right now.

[shade]

Okay yeah, that sounds unsettling. I probably would have done the same thing, not expecting anyone.
Did your roommate know about this and not ask/pass it on? Cause that's even worse, haha.

I know why I live alone.

[Endlessly]

A bug flew into my eye today. I did NOT move from the marshy woods to the city for more of this.

[allegate]

Bought my son one of the new Kindle 10 HD things because he's starting college this summer and I didn't want to get him an actual laptop until he's actually in school and taking it seriously. Long story. Anyway, back to the kindle. He's not a kid anymore so I upgraded him to a teen account. Logged into the kindle and it would only let me buy stuff as the only app that would even launch was the shopping app. Lots of looking around and I finally find this:

What Is a Teen Login?

A teen login allows teens (aged 13 to 17) to shop with a parent's card and share Prime benefits with their parent.
With a teen login, teens (aged 13 to 17) have their own Amazon login to shop or stream content and can pay using their parent's card or their Gift Cards if the Gift Card Balance can cover the entire order.
Parents can review the items, shipping, and payment information by text or from their own account before shipping. The parent's order and payment information is not shared with the teen.
Parents choose what card teens can use, where they can ship, and how much they can spend without needing approval.
Parents and teens can invite each other to participate. After invitation links are sent and accepted, parents provide the teen's personal data (name, birth date, and phone number). Teens then create their own login details.
Parents who have a Prime membership can share select benefits with their teen including:

• Prime Shipping Benefits
• Amazon Elements for Prime
• Early Access to deals
• Free Prime Video
• Prime Gaming
• Wickedly Prime
• Unlimited full-resolution photo storage with Amazon Photos

Note:

• Prime Music, paid Prime Video content, exclusive promotions on eligible preorder games, and purchased video subscriptions are not sharable with teen logins.
• Teen logins don't work for Amazon Fresh and WholeFoods delivery
• Teen logins are currently supported on the Amazon Shopping app for Android/iOS, Amazon Video App, Fire TV/Stick devices and Amazon.com website.
• Teen logins cannot be used to register Echo or Kindle devices, purchase digital content, or upgrade Amazon Photo storage.

What the fuck Amazon. Teens can only buy stuff, that's it. I went into the family settings and they changed those so that you can only have two adults in the family. So fucking stupid. I am ~75% on the way to returning it.

I also found a lot of angry parents who found the same thing out. What's the point of a teen having an account if they only thing they can do is buy stuff on the tablets? the fucking kids have more freedom than the teens do!

I was camping this weekend and it was great but now I'm getting het up again. my anger at this useless stupid hunk of tech...the profoundly weird part is that when I signed in to it to make sure it worked, I could download Excel, Word, and some other Office apps and sign into my 365 account. He can for some reason only get the Office app and that will open pseudo versions of the software. I don't know what that's about at all.

[shade]

No idea about amazon's different user levels/options, but they lost my most recent order in the mail, so yay, here's to amazon!
This however made me laugh:

the fucking kids have more freedom than the teens do!

Makes total sense to me, kids are innocent and pure and teens little satanic troublemakers, sent by the Prince of Hell himself, to make your life a whole lot more complicated







Back to topic.
Insomnia. Insomnia pisses me off. Big time lately.

[allegate]

lol, I wrote a review of the tablet and all I did was title it "don't buy this for teenagers" and post the exact wording from their help page.

five minutes later I get a phone call from Amazon Support asking me to tell them more.

[Erneuert]

@allegate you can probably relate to this. And our other friend with the papa Smurf avatar whose username I can’t remember right now. Oh I mean @zero !

Ever wake up and just feel so jaded and demotivated by life that you feel the essence of Bukowski seep into your very being?