View Full Version : The Friendship Thread

Halo Infinity
08-24-2013, 05:19 PM
For quite some time I thought of making a thread about friendships and acquaintanceships in real life. (And after seeing how successful the thread about lovers was, I thought of giving a thread about friendship a shot.) How is your circle of friends? Are you a social butterfly or a lone wolf? Or are you a hybrid of both? Is it easy for you to make friends? Does making friends also get harder as you age, or does it actually get easier? And not that it should really matter, but did you ever become popular within a large group of friends too?

As for me, I mostly have acquaintances, and most of my close friends just grew apart from relocating, clashes due to misunderstandings, or pursuing different interests and endeavors or being hectic with work and/or school. I also noticed that friends seem to drift apart after finding love, or starting a career too. I understand that there are, and can be exceptions, but that often seems to be the case as well. And yes, it has left me alone for the most part, that is unless I'm at occasions such as family gatherings, weddings, funerals, or birthday parties with friends, family, and/or acquaintances.

08-24-2013, 05:34 PM
I have a few close friends, but a lot of acquaintances. But I've always been someone who much prefers a relatively small "inner circle" than 500 people I have to keep in constant contact with. I'm also an introvert, so I've never been all that outgoing when it comes to making new friends and meeting new people. But I've devoted a lot of energy to changing that. Some days are better than others, though. I'm usually much more outgoing when I'm out at a gig since I'm in a place where I'm more "in my element". Then again, most of my best friends are ones I've met online.
I've had friends drift apart from me after starting jobs or finding love, so I know how much that can hurt. That's why I always try extra hard to maintain close friendships if anything like that happens in my life (even though I don't have a job outside the music world and my love life is, for lack of a better word, dead). Then again, I've never been someone who absolutely has to talk to someone every single day for four hours. Most of my friends and I can comfortably go for days or weeks without talking and not losing a single beat the next time we talk or get together.
And despite what most people would have you believe, making friends is not something that gets easier as you get older. I sucked at making friends when I was a child, and mostly I still suck at it today. You just have to know your strengths and work with them.

08-24-2013, 05:35 PM
I am a total loner. Always have been. Making friends seems to be difficult for me, both IRL and online.

08-24-2013, 10:17 PM
I have a small circle of friends (a big portion of whom I know from here <3 OH YOU GUYS) and an even smaller circle of ones that I'm really close to. I think that maybe on some level I'm just kinda awkward and don't meet that many people. Also, I've totally got some sort of little wounded chip on my shoulder somewhere inside my brain where I just figure that I'm not really the person people end up wanting to be close with, when in reality it's probably that I'm just bad at establishing that dynamic or something. Maybe I'm bad at it. I dunno.

Also, some of my greatest friendships were so unexpected.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bklA2oPVKUU ALSO THIS VIDEO FOREVER

08-24-2013, 10:21 PM
Well, I've had the same friends for years now but it feels like we all drift apart at times. I go days without talking to them and then we'd randomly hang out. Socially, I'm super fucking awkward. I have a hard time thinking of how to respond to anything cause I just don't know what to say. I don't go out much either, and I don't talk to much people outside of my friend zone.

Halo Infinity
09-05-2013, 07:12 PM
The way friends drift apart is what usually caught me off guard. I used to expect people to actually say goodbye and explain why they're leaving, but it's often done through silence and distance alone. It sort of feels a bit out there and unreal to me, but I suppose that's what happens when I grew up getting used to expecting such things to be admitted and explained. It's like out of nowhere they'd just find ways to tell me they're busy, and I'm not saying that they're all lying, but perhaps it's a hint I should've learned to take a long time ago. One of them even told me that he'd rather not have me call him and that he'd call me.

As far as making friends, that's always been a challenge for me, considering that I'm not even fond of hanging out in large groups. A small circle of friends, or even going in one-on-one seemed more preferable to me, but that also depends on how well I even get along with them to start with. Another thing I noticed in friendships is that friends usually seem to expect everybody to accept their friends, family, and loved ones. Not getting along with all or any of them is bound to prevent you from making and keeping friends.

I've never understood why people just don't try to be accommodating in matters such as that. If I was friends with two or more people that hated each other, I'd try to make a way for them to not cross paths if I were to spend time with them. Then again, I could somewhat, and ironically understand why that would be a complete waste of time, effort, and energy for some, or even lots of people.

(It also turns out that I've only recently realized how complex and challenging making and keeping friends can really be. It's quite the paradoxical crapshoot combined with hard work and dumb luck. I also used to think that having most of the same interests and time to hang out together and have fun was just about all I need, but even that's sometimes not enough.)

09-30-2013, 09:06 PM

I miss these guys so much. This was a picture of me and my friends used for our grindcore / post-hardcore band called Dick Ford.

Oh Myspace and scene kid days.

Halo Infinity
10-03-2013, 07:57 PM
I really am convinced that perhaps one of my biggest problems with making friends is that I'm bad at teasing. I also don't understand it. I don't see why I'd have to do that in order to make and keep friends. I also noticed that me being bad at teasing, or not wanting anything to do with teasing has deterred other people from wanting to get to know me. I'm also referring to real life interactions by the way, but it has also certainly affected online interactions as well.

And it wasn't always because I was upset or in a bad mood. From the looks of it analyzing jokes kills not only the jokes, but their mood. I've been called a kill-joy because of that. And then when I questioned the nature of teasing, it seemed to make people want to leave me ASAP. I learned to just keep those questions to myself since then, as I have also noticed they get defensive when you question the motives behind their teasing.

And from the looks of it, this makes people think I'm always serious. To me, it's more about being safe than it is about being serious. I wouldn't want to mess with the wrong guy at the wrong time, nor run such a risk. It doesn't mean I've lost my ability to laugh altogether. I'm just a bit more reserved and guarded when it comes to it. However, it sometimes seems like lots of people wouldn't want to hang out with a guarded person. (Which was another reason why I avoid large groups.)

10-03-2013, 09:36 PM
I still talk all the time with a girlfriend I've had for FORTY YEARS as of next year.

Besides her and my husband, I currently have two other best friends: one I met on here in 2004; one was my college art prof I met in 2004.

Besides them (and my mom), that's it. I have acquaintances but I don't consider them "friends."

I have always focused on quality vs. quantity when it comes to friends.

miss k bee
10-04-2013, 06:41 PM
I have about 3 friends and my sister who I get on well with but lives abroad with my mum. I have never had a load of friends and I prefer it that way tbh.

Halo Infinity
10-04-2013, 11:40 PM
I find myself to be exactly the same way. I'd like to have friends that are like brothers and sisters I never had.

Sarah K
10-04-2013, 11:48 PM
I have a handful of friends who I would do anything in my power for. The type who I can go a month without speaking to, and it is as if we never missed a moment.

Then, I have a pretty big circle of people I can party and hang out with.

But shit is about to change, as I'm moving to a place where I know exactly two people. My greatest fear is of losing those few genuine friends.

10-05-2013, 12:02 AM
I think I've made my first female acquaintance that's purely platonic. It's interesting, but weirdly I think I've had all my life to prepare for it. Raised by my mother mostly, with my two sisters not that far behind. Most of the effective teachers I had growing up were women as well.

I'm liking it.

Halo Infinity
10-07-2013, 10:55 PM
I think a good two to three friends would be great right about now. I kind of see how and why it obviously increases reasons to go out and hang out. One on one interaction is still good, but I've figured we'd have to have a real good rapport, since it's still possible to have some or even lots of things in common, but still not get along due to a lack of acceptance or tolerance in some areas, or just flat-out misunderstandings.

Two to three people seems like a nice limit for me as far as socializing in real life goes. And when it comes to traveling and just going out, especially late at night, I'll admit that there is an added safety and convenience that isn't there as much, or even altogether when you're all alone. For instance you can get rides if you can't drive or won't drive, with some added safety in numbers, etc.

I also didn't realize that friends that usually hang out with each other in real life, hang out when they're only located at walking distances from one another. I didn't realize that driving or using public transportation for even under an hour was too much for lots of people. For instance, a drive or a ride that takes 20 minutes to 45 minutes to hang out is too much out of the way for some or even lots of people.

frankie teardrop
10-08-2013, 10:27 AM
i went from having a slew of friends to keeping just a few close ones, a result of giving up most of my nightlife and realizing who was really a friend vs. a glorified acquaintance. i'm more or less ok with this, as the few people i hang out with on a regular basis are wonderful and are people i can count on. quality > quantity these days.

in general, i get along better with girls and have more close female friends overall, though one of my closest friends these days is a dude (and a board member- ha!), as was my ex-best friend.

i knew my "best friend" (at the time) from fourth grade until recently. we always had a compilcated relationship- his family was very kind and generous with both their money and their company in a time when i was going through a rough period with my parents' divorce and the subsequent fallout. however, my friend in general, was always too aloof, clueless, and unknowingly mean and selfish at my expense. a brief example: i would tell him i was interested in someone, and he'd date her almost within the week, break her heart, and move on to the next girl without so much as a moment's consideration for my feelings. he would also call up on christmas morning and gloat about all the expensive gifts he got for christmas. both of those things sound minor, but these sort of incidents kept happening over the course of our 20 year friendship. there was always competition between us, and while most of it made me a better person in the long run, it still hurt incredibly over the years.

despite all this, we were incredibly close, shared many important experiences together, had some great memories. he was the best man AND officient at my wedding, though we technically were married in city hall the day before.

we stopped talking in 2010 or so, over an incident with his relationship choices (cheating/etc. on his fiancee) and insulting me directly about a band i was in. we became friends again after a year, and quickly fell off again after he made a similar mistake. it's a long story, but needless to say it's probably for the best, even though it feels like losing your brother... at this point in time, we're civil with each other to the point of brief, catch-up emails, but i can't imagine we'll ever be close friends again, nor should we...

meanwhile, i just heard he had a kid (he is the most selfishly irresponsible person i've ever known) and this bums me out to no end, but i do hope that it helps him to become a stronger, better person and a good father. here's hoping...

10-08-2013, 11:17 AM
I don't understand friendship!
my borderline personality disorder is to thank for that!
i never have had or ever will have a close friend (not counting the missus) I can't grasp the idea, the plus points etc, I have no interest in friendship or friends, and I can't understand if it would be good to have one? I have mates, but they are just people I know, but wouldn't call them friends, as I've said I don't understand the concept, I can see it exists with other people, the "bond" they have, and I can be curious about it, I've asked my care worker about "friends" and he kinda assured me it's my illness that stops me from getting any kinda grasp on this "phenomenon" in my world, friend or friendship is just a word, that I'll never fully understand the meaning of,

10-08-2013, 06:07 PM
I've got a few close friends and a decent amount of acquaintances. I guess I've always been that way.

I know I've mentioned her about a billion times here, but I have the most incredible friendship with my best friend. Thirteen years later (and seven years after I moved to another state) we're still just as close as we've ever been and it still amazes me. I don't know what I'd do without her and I can honestly say my life would be so much poorer without her in it.

10-10-2013, 11:50 PM
I've got a few close friends and a decent amount of acquaintances. I guess I've always been that way.

I know I've mentioned her about a billion times here, but I have the most incredible friendship with my best friend. Thirteen years later (and seven years after I moved to another state) we're still just as close as we've ever been and it still amazes me. I don't know what I'd do without her and I can honestly say my life would be so much poorer without her in it.
I have a friend just like that. I've known her for years, and we're more like brother and sister than friends most of the time. She disappeared for a few years because of a bad relationship she was in, but as soon as she got out of it, she called me the very next day and it was immediately like no time had passed between us at all, and we're closer now than we were before.

Halo Infinity
10-28-2013, 09:43 PM
I'm referring to hanging out with friends in real life. I'm well aware that it's completely different when it comes to Internet realms/standards.

I really think what I'm looking for, is to just be able to spend time with close friends, and make close friends, or spend time with acquaintances that I'd respect/cherish as if they were family. The more the merrier as a means to kill time and fill space doesn't really mean that much or anything to me, as I've always searched for quality over quantity. In retrospect, I sort of see why I shouldn't have verbalized that in real life as it made me look arrogant and obnoxious. I still have to accept that it does get harder to make friends as you age though.

I also just wanted to get that off my chest, as I forgot about that for a while. I'm also sorry if that looked stuck up, since that's not my intention behind saying that at all.

10-28-2013, 10:27 PM
ever since i changed careers from soul sucking customer service to something more creative and in line with my interests, i've been meeting loads of really awesome and like-minded people but am really struggling to turn acquaintances into friendships. i've invited some of the people i've really hit it off with out for coffee or a drink or for instance to a smallish casual halloween party i'm having this weekend but nothing ever comes from it and i don't want to come off as super desperate by making loads of attempts. why is it so hard to make a work friend into a normal friend. *sigh*

Halo Infinity
10-28-2013, 10:31 PM
What puzzles me even more is that it's very easy for some people. I've seen pictures on Facebook, and they seem to be partying and hanging out with whoever they could find at work/school. (But for all I know, it's probably not as glamorous as it looks behind the scenes.)

10-28-2013, 11:04 PM
. why is it so hard to make a work friend into a normal friend. *sigh*I remember a woman I worked with upon telling her I got a new job said : "great, now we can really be friends."

10-28-2013, 11:06 PM
What puzzles me even more is that it's very easy for some people. I've seen pictures on Facebook, and they seem to be partying and hanging out with whoever they could find at work/school. (But for all I know, it's probably not as glamorous as it looks behind the scenes.)

yeah i certainly wouldn't take Facebook as an accurate representation of someone's life thats for sure. everyone is curating their identity on there. the other day i read something along the lines of practice practice practice and make mistakes but only post it online once you get it right so it looks like you got it the first time. except more clever. but you get the point.

I remember a woman I worked with upon telling her I got a new job said : "great, now we can really be friends."

how strange. the weird part for me is that i work with a different crew every time so its not like our friendship would get in the way of our ongoing professional relationship. instead, you work really closely with people for a few days, make a bond and then just never see them ever again. which makes me sad lol

10-29-2013, 09:23 AM
the weird part for me is that i work with a different crew every time so its not like our friendship would get in the way of our ongoing professional relationship. instead, you work really closely with people for a few days, make a bond and then just never see them ever again. which makes me sad lolWhat you think is weird, maybe exactly why people don't invest in friendships. They figure they aren't going to see you again. Not that life is a sitcom, but how many of those shows are about people working together and being friends. I'll qualify that with - it's usually when you're first starting out in the working world that work and friendship is combined, just like school and friendship. It's when you get older and you have all these different sets of friends, then marriage and family take a lot of time. Next thing you know, you are going to work, whatever that might be, saying 'I don't need more friends'.

10-29-2013, 08:52 PM
I used to have quite a few friends, but as time went by we all kind of went our separate ways I suppose.
I've also lost a fucking TON of confidence in the last few years, so that keeps me at home by myself most of the time...
I feel like I'm really starting to feel the effects of that lately, though.

Halo Infinity
11-02-2013, 10:41 PM
yeah i certainly wouldn't take Facebook as an accurate representation of someone's life thats for sure. everyone is curating their identity on there. the other day i read something along the lines of practice practice practice and make mistakes but only post it online once you get it right so it looks like you got it the first time. except more clever. but you get the point.
That's probably just among the reasons why it probably wasn't always as it seemed to be. I've seen people in pictures of them of partying with lots of friends and acquaintances, and posts of them joking and laughing, yet they happen to also post about loneliness, anger, emptiness, boredom, and depressing. It's hard for me to imagine people being lonely with lots of friends, sex, drinking, and partying. (With the exception of getting burnt out and getting sent to intensive care units, breaking the law, or just having a really shitty job.) You'd think they'd be in Heaven. It boggles my mind, as I'm also the type of person that doesn't pretend to be happy. I don't see the point in that.

11-02-2013, 10:58 PM
I remember a woman I worked with upon telling her I got a new job said : "great, now we can really be friends."

This is so true. I have a lot of people I'm 'friendly' with, but they are my customers. Until there's no money between them and me, I don't feel like we can truly be friends. Because so much of my time is taken with my customers and my work, I don't really have time for friends, but my husband is my friend. There's a few people who are customers who I feel like would be friends if I wasn't in the business that I am. I have made some acquaintances at the school I go to, but it could not be defined as friend level yet. I don't take the word friend lightly.

Halo Infinity
11-03-2013, 08:47 PM
I don't take it lightly either. Sure, we all make mistakes and have flaws, but friendships in my opinion always take time and depth, and I'm realizing more and more that sometimes having some or even a lot of things in common isn't ever enough. It should be a bond akin to family, as if that person is your brother or sister. And of course, it's impossible to have everybody as a close friend, and I'm not trying to say that there's anything wrong with casual friends or acquaintances either. I'm merely just speaking for myself.

11-04-2013, 02:55 AM
Sometimes I end up talking about my lack of close friends with my boyfriend (who comparatively has quite a few). Tonight was one of those nights. I just don't have many close friends.

And talking on the phone? Like the only person I ever talk on the phone to is my boyfriend. Meeehhhh.

11-04-2013, 03:37 AM
is talking on the phone required for making friends these days? maybe thats where I'm going wrong. I Skype happily with some of my long distance friends for hours but only ever talk on an actual phone with my husband or immediate family.

11-04-2013, 03:41 AM
rhet, Noooo. I don't think it is at all. Honestly, doing so would feel a bit strange to me, I think. I'm not that close with many people where it wouldn't be awkward. But I know so many people that do that shit.

11-04-2013, 04:03 AM
yeah exactly. i always feel really caught off guard when I randomly get a call I wasn't expecting as well so texting is much preferred.

in other news, i met some really cool people yesterday but again was mostly a networking thing so again not gonna make any real friends from that. maybe i should just resign myself to working with awesome people and talking about my feelings to people on the internet. could be worse!

Halo Infinity
12-25-2013, 02:10 AM
This is such an inopportune time for me to post this in a way, but I really wanted to be sure about this, and of course wanted an opinion aside from my own. Is it really all that normal for friends to insult each other as a joke or a way to "verbally play fight", and is not being able to handle that a deal breaker for some people?

Joking around, especially in the context of "play insults/verbal play fighting" isn't my forte at all. I've observed friendships, and a lot of them seem to make fun of each other. I don't understand it at all, since some of their jokes actually appear to be vicious and insidious. This is also among some of the things I've bottled up for quite some time.

This isn't to say that I'm completely innocent either, as I've also used "Just kidding." or "It's just a joke." as an excuse to say douchey things in the past, and then of course, I've learned the hard way as to why I shouldn't joke that way to start with.

Oh, and this DEFINITELY DOES NOT mean that I interpret every joke as cruel. Some people seem to think that I mean that whenever I bring these points up, but I really don't. :p

I also think it's the worst is also when you see friends that crack on other friends, and are absolutely fine with being brutally honest to them until they're the ones getting cracked on while being subjected to brutal honesty. And then all of a sudden, it's just wrong. :rolleyes:

12-25-2013, 09:54 AM
I like to tease/be teased, but everyone's boundaries are different.

A couple of friends in college took it way too far with me, and I ended up kinda pulling away from them as a result. They kept harping on me being difficult to debate with to the point that it got really obnoxious. "Lydia has to always be right." etc. (And for the record, I'm not. I just want to know that you understand my point. You don't have to agree with it. But I will push at something to know you at least get what I'm trying to articulate.)

My boyfriend had to ask me to back off on teasing him earlier in our relationship because while I thought it was funny, he didn't. Everyone has different boundaries.

But yes, it is normal, but it depends on what people are cool with. I'd recommend you just go "Hey, woah, could you back off a little? I know you're joking man, but it just doesn't feel that way sometimes."

Halo Infinity
12-27-2013, 12:48 PM
I really should've said something like that. I've learned the hard way that some, or even lots of people actually get frustrated, irritated, and aggravated whenever I asked if they were serious, or asked them to explain their jokes for me. I didn't realize how annoying that was to some, or even lots of people. This is even if I'm not throwing a fit, or showing any signs of being upset, as other people have really mean it when they've told me that having to have jokes explained ruins it for them to the point of being pissed off, and being a killjoy altogether.

It was either that, or if I didn't end up smiling and/or laughing, it just seemed to bother them, or make them feel awkward even if I wasn't giving them any dirty looks, or looking as if I was bored/annoyed/sad/pissed. These clashing misunderstandings have also prevented me from wanting to be around them, as I'm sure they didn't want to be around me after something like that as well.

And well, for anybody that hasn't seen me admit this yet, I also suck at joking around in general. I also wish that humor wasn't an enormous factor in making and keeping friends. It's still hard for me to explain... because I can still see how uptight I'm looking from this. I've been burned so many times, I just don't know how to process it all from time to time. The least I can do is to not bust anybody's chops, or yank anybody's chains as those expressions go.

01-15-2014, 12:32 PM
i have been pretty blessed with friends and acquaintances through my life, but i have to say i have this one friend that is, literally, a god send.
i didn't know that i could value a woman this much, outside of my family.
she has made me cry with laughter and joy and resonance.
i have always enjoyed bonds with people, but this is something different...as in my life is epically enriched because she is in it.
less than an hour ago, she helped me shift my perspective so that i went from gagging and almost throwing up with emotional turmoil to centered and distanced enough to do something effective with the source of the emotional turmoil.
i am someone who prefers being alone to being around others, overall, but i never pass on seeing her or talking to her.
i can be horribly self conscious and socially awkward sometimes and she just gets it, every time.
i still cannot believe she exists.

01-19-2014, 08:35 PM
Kris - are you male or female?

Halo Infinity
01-19-2014, 08:44 PM
@Ryan (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=67) - I'm a male, and was also Kristoffer on ETS back in 2004 when I first started posting. That usually helps ring a bell for other users that have been around just as long as me, or longer than me on ETS.

01-19-2014, 08:50 PM
Ryan and I were here in 2004 (January of 2004 for me, lurking in 2003) and I don't remember you, but maybe you weren't one of the really mean people. This place wasn't always full of friendly people singing Kumbaya. Back then, they would have shit-listed you for this thread.

My friends and I do not insult each other. Ever. We don't joke like that, we don't think it's funny.

Halo Infinity
01-19-2014, 09:05 PM
@allegro (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=76) - Oh yes, I definitely remember it all too well. I was even more outspoken, and my filter was really off back then.

(But I didn't do it to be mean, and I was very unaware as to how easy it was to get shit-listed. And as result, I ended up doing far more lurking than posting. And simply being much more a loose cannon back then compared to how I am now also didn't help. :eek:)

By the way, I've noticed that you might be beavette? Is that correct? I noticed a Hello Kitty avatar under beavette on NIN.com, and also saw it under allegro, and I'm sure I've remembered a beavette.

As for threads that got me in trouble, I remember making one on abortion. The Insane Clown Posse thread back then also got me into some hot water. And looking back... some of my random questions were just horrible for some people, and I could see more and more as to why I should have never asked them to start with. (Which is part of why I'm still working on what not to say, especially on a forum.)

01-19-2014, 09:17 PM
Kris, yes that was my handle back then.

I think I remember that abortion thread.

I hated those fucking shit lists.

01-19-2014, 09:28 PM
It's much nicer here now, I must agree.

01-20-2014, 05:51 PM
Today, I got together with one of my best friends from University, and we had a superb hangover-busting carb-loaded lunch at Mother's Dumplings (AN ABSOLUTE MUST if you're ever in Toronto and like down-home Chinese cooking), then hot beverages at Café Pamenar. We talked about her AMAZING journey over the past month: she walked across Spain on the Way of St. James (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Way_of_St._James), took part in a shamanic Ayahuasca ritual, and fell deeply in love with someone from another continent. It was a pretty great afternoon. I love her a lot, and it's mind-blowing to think of not only all the cool stuff she's done, but how supportive and psyched we've been for each other through all kinds of highs and lows.

This is the two of us in 2007. Aside from those glasses, which I was wearing again today, we don't really look like this any more. Nestea Cool is still a fuckin' gross soft drink, though.


miss k bee
01-25-2014, 11:31 AM
By chance saw a girl who used to be my best friend at school working in a supermarket this week. We stopped being friends 20 years ago at college and she looks exactly the same which was a bit freaky. She served me and neither of us said anything, was soo awkward!!

Have a friend that has become a born again Christian, trying to tell myself I am not bothered by it but I am.

Halo Infinity
05-28-2014, 10:18 PM
I didn't know where else to put this and it really seemed to belong here. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'll miss when making friends through hanging out and getting to know somebody was as easy as getting a phone number and making a call to invite them over my house on any random weekend or vacation. (And you'd also think that would be easier with Facebook.) I still wasn't the most social child growing up, but that's how I hung out back in elementary school through high school. Heck, if I even had a great rapport with tons of things in common with somebody, I think I'd still be even up for sleepovers, but at least at 2 days tops. I noticed that even 3 days got to be a bit too much for me even when I a kid.

As an adult, it seems like I have to either wait for an actual occasion, or go to a social setting outside the house. I just didn't realize how hanging out indoors without any occasion isn't really a thing for adults, even though I've seen many acquaintances and friends stop that when they were even as young as 16-22. It wouldn't even have to be all day either. I wouldn't mind just hanging out for a few hours to chat, play video games, watch DVDs, surf the Internet together, and then head out to eat at a fast food restaurant or such before parting ways. To me, that seems to be the ideal way to spend random weekends and vacations socially, as I've always preferred smaller groups, or just one-on-one interaction in my home and the local areas surrounding it.

Then again, part of that hanging out meant to also have the time to talk about life, but I could see why even that would be a hard opportunity to find since it's always best with a close friend willing to discuss some things in depth, that also likes most if not all of the same exact stuff you do with the same level of interest as you do, or even more.

I'd often assume that the best way to be a close friend while getting to know them in depth would be to bond as if you're siblings or cousins, but there also seems to be no time and/or interest for that as adults. (And I don't mean every weekend or vacation. Just planned ones that are feasible.) Of course, there are exceptions, and that serious relationships, marriages, and families inevitably put an end to that really quick, but I had this explained to me, and it really does seem to be true. I've known about this before, but it also took me a long time to accept.

Pardon me, I'm just venting something that's perplexed me for quite a while that had something to do with the topic of friends and friendship and the changes of socialization with age. I guess it's better late than never to learn such a thing.

Ah, I suppose I just haven't outgrown hanging out that way at all, and probably never will. If I had the chance, I'd definitely do it all over again.

08-17-2014, 04:39 AM
I was bullied all through school and had no more than two friends there until I was 16. It has permanently affected my self confidence and self esteem. As a result, I don't have a massive amount of friends, but the few I have are all good ones. I have a couple who are my besties, one's a NIN fan and we love talking about them and listening to their music and watching videos together. The other's a shy girl who wouldn't say boo to a mouse, but she's the best listener and there's nearly nothing I couldn't talk to her about.

However I'm afraid I am to her what a couple of my other friends are like to me. I have a couple of friends who are both smart and both love to talk, but I can't get a word in when I have a conversation with them. And these friends are nice, well meaning girls, but their monologues are so annoying. It's like what they have to say is so much more important than what I have to say that it makes me feel my life is inadequate.

That's pretty much all my significant friends. I spend nearly all of my free time with my husband and I don't even see three out of my four significant friends that often because they live in Sydney and I live in the next city 60 miles south of Sydney. At least the phone is a godsend.

08-17-2014, 05:59 AM
Decided to chime in on this one as I've been in somewhat of a renaissance with some of my old friends lately. So, like many of you, I'm an introvert. I don't make friends that easily and tend to stick with the ones I already have, if possible. I've likely lost a few over the years and I still have some that I hope I'll be with for the rest of my life. I have a best friend who has been in my life for 19 years and I think we love and understand each other in a way that no one else in our lives probably ever has. I have a couple of other people who have labeled me their best friend at some point, but this particular lady is the one, I think. We went through so many formative experiences together as teenagers and I actually think we were best friends from day one, we just didn't know it yet.

I also have some kind of strange friendship things. I have these two girls I was very close friends with in high school whom I haven't seen or heard from for at least a decade now. I have almost no idea what's going on with them now and no idea if I'll ever see them again. They were kind of what you call "frenemies" so it's not a big deal, but it's just weird to go from one extreme to the other later on in life. I also have this other close friend who I bonded with very strongly at age 17 and we lost touch around age 23 or so because she moved and started a family. She popped back up earlier this year and even though we hadn't really interacted for, again, about a decade, we picked it right back up without missing a beat. Like no time had passed at all. Amazing. And for that, I still love her like you wouldn't believe.

What I think is really odd these days is that when I think back to high school I was, almost inexplicably, rather well-liked despite the fact that I'm an introvert. When I was a child, I was severely introverted. I never socialized with my peers outside of school and I preferred my own nerdy little world. In junior high, I started to "come out of my shell" and in high school it was almost like I transformed into an extrovert for four years so I could function socially and not be completely ostracized. Now I'm like a regular garden variety introvert, not as hopeless as that kid but not as congenial as that teenager. Not sure why or how I had that going on in high school, but it was definitely a good thing. It's probably how I survived that setting.

02-12-2015, 11:29 PM
So my friend is picking a fight me (on FB - where else)
for...no reason

He's been ranting on FB about not having a bf for...years now
sometimes he's on the warpath
and fights with people

He sometimes goes on these long jags of posting non-stop about how gay guys in NYC are "AIDS fountains"

I innocently posted something in a thread of his about the Hobbit
then he tags me in a post calling Beyonce and Rihanna "sluts" (????)

I ask him to delete the post as I don't feel comfortable being tagged in it
He untags me, leaves the post, says sorry for making me uncomfortable but his life is so tough, he is so totally alone with no one who loves him etc
I express concern that he's putting a lot of negativity out into the world

the next day he posts a passive aggressive post about how his "married friends" are insensitive towards "the single people"

I write to him saying I didn't mean to be insensitive...that having a partner doesn't resolve all your problems etc
that he's my friend and I love him etc

Now I'm getting the silent treatment

04-01-2015, 09:12 AM
I made friends that have lasted almost all of my life. I grew up with everyone I now consider family. I have an intimate circle of friends, Staci, Randy(my ex-husband), Kevin, Patrick, Richie, Lauren, Courtney, Joe, Dusty, Rachel, Adam, Jody, James and we are all still friends to this day no matter how far life has taken us all away from one another. We still have our childhood nicknames and we still reunite occasionally. Then I had an outer circle of quite a few that I will not list, anytime we had a bonfire party at the lake, they would all be there, back in the day. We are all facebook friends though. Now I have acquaintances and a few that I met more recently. I am finding couple of them are beginning to slowly sneak into my heart as time goes by. I am comfortable as a lone wolf, good at socializing when I want, and happy with a small and close intimate group of people. I am mostly reserved with a hand extending out from me and whether that hand is open to someone or not really relies on my intuition.

04-01-2015, 04:12 PM
As for me I recently moved to St. Augustine, FL from Southern California. It has been a great opportunity to reinvent myself. However, starting completely over when it comes to friends has turned out to the greatest challenge. I can echo the sentiment that it gets tougher to make friends as you get older and that's the case for me at age 27. Lately, I can't help but feel a bit guilty for leaving the friends I had in CA behind because I realize that I took them for granted. However, feeling their absence in my everyday life though has made me more grateful for them and has motivated me to make the effort to maintain the friendships via more regular communication. Friendships in any case do take lots of effort and it can be a minefield figuring which people are worth it sometimes. It was for that reason that I wasn't investing in people and saw myself become quite the cynic while I was in CA. Thank goodness I've moved past much of that now but it took the pain of separation to do it sadly. I now really know who my friends are and the distance hasn't diminished a thing. I really have this attachment to many of them since I was working with them on a regular basis performing energy healing called pranic healing. Unfortunately it doesn't have as strong a presence here in Florida. I'm thinking that I just might have to move back in a couple years. Save up some money, get some experience in my field and at last get a place of my own away from my parents. I understand it's premature to be saying such things and that I could change my mind. It is interesting though before leaving for Florida I did get a distinct feeling that I would be coming back to CA and not just to visit. We'll see.

04-02-2015, 03:38 PM
Sometimes being friends with women is so hard for me...... I've got this one long distance friend that I used to work with. I think she still considers me her underling and might never change that which is just not going to work for me. Anywho,
she send a message in fb to me and another woman we used to work with who lives near me saying that she was going to be in town next Tuesday, had a meeting with a customer in the afternoon, not heading out to her next stop until the following morning, wanting to know if we were both available for dinner that evening. I replied with "I'm around". She knows my situation - I'm here. She replies with "I'll let you know. As of now, I don't have any work committments." The other woman replies just as non-committal with "Yah, I think I'm open. excited to see you!"

Am I reading into this crap too much? Was I too non-committal just cause the other too to be the same? Why reach out with an invitation and then dial us back to 'I'll let you know, I might have something more important then you?'


07-15-2018, 10:28 PM
Bringing back this dead thread with something awesome. I recently reconnected with one of my best friends from high school whom I had been out of touch with for 14 years. I was so happy and relieved to find that we still love each other and still get along like a house on fire. It made my fucking year and has added so much to my life already. She was always super special to me and I could not be happier to have our friendship back. I wanna, like, shout it from the rooftops. So it's never too late to reboot something, folks. If you feel someone is missing from your life, take a chance and reach out.

Space Suicide
07-15-2018, 10:32 PM
I don't have a lot of friends but I have friendly people and acquaintances in my life.

Though there is this one guy who has lived in 3 states since we've known each other and we talk daily and have ever since we met. I'm 28 in October. We met in 6th Grade way back in 2001. This year marks knowing him for 16 years, which is over half my life! Safe to say we're long time brothers and best friends to the end. Even him moving we have never broken contact. He lives by me again, roughly 7 minutes away. It's a pleasant feeling!

We butt heads and don't always see eye to eye on issues or women but I know he'll always be there. I wouldn't trade him or any friend with this sort of relationship to me for for the world or as many friends as I could count.

07-15-2018, 10:57 PM
I moved to a different city recently. The only person I hang out with on a social level is my coworker. It's hard to make friends as an adult when you're not in college anymore. I haven't even attempted dating anyone here. I find the people in this city so mean and unfriendly in general. No one talks to anyone unless they know them from somewhere. It's the total opposite of the much more friendly city I used to live in. And that's why I spend so much time on Facebook.

07-15-2018, 11:00 PM
Bringing back this dead thread with something awesome. I recently reconnected with one of my best friends from high school whom I had been out of touch with for 14 years. I was so happy and relieved to find that we still love each other and still get along like a house on fire. It made my fucking year and has added so much to my life already. She was always super special to me and I could not be happier to have our friendship back. I wanna, like, shout it from the rooftops. So it's never too late to reboot something, folks. If you feel someone is missing from your life, take a chance and reach out.

Not the same length of time by any means but my best friend and I didn't talk for two years and it was awful and extremely painful. One of the happiest nights of my life was the night she reached out to me on FB and we rekindled our friendship. That was over two years ago now and we're still best friends and still just as close as we ever were. 18 years and counting (we don't even subtract those two years out). She lives in another state and I miss the everloving crap out of her.

Also, I'm super happy for you! It's a really amazing feeling, isn't it?